Out of Control

Hear an audio track as you read (set your audio player to loop / continuous play)

Sine Loop

I have made mistakes in my thinking.

I have thought that God should be allowed control of the World

Starting with control of my life.

I have even prayed it several times,

Offered it to God…

But now I think it's a prayer that God can't answer.

I have begun to see it differently -

What was there along…

That God revels in letting go

In not controlling

But in being in love

Because somehow the desire to control is the opposite of being love.

Love is letting go then joining in

Out of desire for the other

And making something new from the consequence

Controlling has no part in love

Even if the controller knows best

There is no love to be gained by controlling.

But here I am in the hi-tech western world

Where all I see is somehow controllable or controlled…

My lights, my heating, my music, my food, my diary…

And sometimes I recognise my fear of the things I can't control:

My feelings, my sexuality, the forces of society,

and I try to separate from them and regain control,

and to separate from others who arouse these things…

But really I'm just acting out my fear of losing control.

I want to be a bigger person and not live in fear.

I need a bigger world.

I know that in an imperfect world

the cost of freedom is vigilance,

but I want to be free to join with those I love

And against whom I need no vigilance

Like my truest lover

My eternal God

Who gave up all vigilance on the cross

And showed that out of control

Brings on forever love.

The God who lives in the perpetual 'now' of time

And waits to meet all those who are ready for Love.

So I will bring my self into God's 'now' presence

And invite God to unite with me

And in perfect love, lose all fear.

 

(can go into silence here or very slowly)

 

So for now

I'm a creature in a stream

Going where the current leads

Watching as the river widens

Unafraid of deeper seas

 

I'm a jar that's full of water

Floating in the widest ocean

The sea around me is my maker

Waiting 'til the vessel's broken

 

I'm a lover strong with passion

Seeking out my lover God

Open to the satisfaction

When I know my soul is loved

 

I'm the lightest thing in nature

A feather on the breath of God

Floating where his love is breathing

Never landing 'til I'm home

 

I'm a tree that grows and branches

God above and God below

Joined in the eternal cycle

Bringing life into my soul

 

I'm a baby in a mother

Cradled in another life

Conscious of my independence

Joined to her by deeper ties

 

I'm the wanderer returning

Open to the signs of Life

Held in the eternal yearning

Of the Maker and the Christ